On Saturday I would have blamed myself for my tiredness, staying up too late watching T.V. and attending twitter parties.

But Saturday night was rough. Sunday morning I had my own meltdown that was cured by taking a two hour nap (and turning off the baby monitor while Damon took over). Then something happened and Tebow decided he didn’t really want to nap anymore. Or if he did, it was only in my arms, not in his snug bed. Once it is night, usually past 9 p.m., he sleeps well until 2 ish. But during the day… I never knew I could be exhausted because a baby didn’t nap. I can wear him and he will sleep, but I do have my limits. I can’t wear him in the kitchen (too much remodeling, too dangerous) and he doesn’t really like it when I sit while he is being worn.

So, now, I’m back to blaming Tebow for my exhaustion. I know I’m partially to blame (I’m writing this at 11 p.m!) but until Tebow gets back into napping well (and I know my positive thinking will help him, right?) I’m going to say it’s his fault. And try to get to bed earlier tomorrow night.

Well, apparently the story wasn’t complete. I accidentally let the battery totally die on Tuesday. When I went home and plugged it into the charger something happened and killed the inside display. A full charge later, battery out and in, and still no interior display.

The phone still works, but I can’t tell who is calling me. And even though I know there are actual numbers I can punch to take me to my voicemail, I have no idea what they are since I usually depend on the display to guide me there.

So, if you know me and my cell phone number, feel free to call it. But if I don’t get to it in time, please don’t bother leaving me a message. Just try me again, either right away or sometime later at your convenience. When I get back from this weekend away, I will be trying to transfer the phone number to my old cell phone. Sigh. Not what I want to do.

I have a growing list of grievances that may be of interest to no one but me, but by posting them, I can probably think and get over them.

~swollen feet. If I don’t keep my feet up (which my new recliner helps with) my feet swell. And it is a tad painful. The swelling goes down within minutes of having my feet up, so I know it isn’t something to be worried about. It’s just annoying.

~ false labor. I experience irregular contractions daily and every once in a while they work themselves into a regular pattern that disappears (poof!) as soon as I change positions. I know this all helps move things along, but… sigh. I’m getting over it. Baby Two will be here soon, right?

~ my camera lens. There is something wrong with the auto-focus on my most used lens. AND if I had been able to take the jump last week and bought the lens I wanted to replace it, it would have been $40 cheaper. This actually ticks me off more than the false labor.

~ shrinking wardrobe options. Everyday that goes by I lose another piece of clothing to the “too small” pile. This isn’t a huge deal because I stay at home most days, but it is a growing irritation. If I have to go to the hospital, I don’t want it to be on a day I haven’t showered. But I kind of lose the desire to shower when my wardrobe options are practically nil.

Maybe I should just go back to bed. Things will look better tomorrow, right?

I took this picture this morning, when the day was full of possibilities and happiness.

And then I started to get ready and it all went down from there.

I think there is a saying in the blogosphere that goes something like, “Why have a blog if you can’t complain?” I like that saying because really, all I want to do is complain. I am just incredibly uncomfortable and only find peace lounging on the couch or sleeping in my bed. This isn’t really the best use of my time, since I have a four year old and a husband to care for, but to be honest, it is how I felt today.

Sure, we had a nice day with naps and a church party, but I’m so over the braxton hicks and the pressure. Tomorrow I will head to the doctor for my regularly scheduled check up. Maybe then I will be in a better mood.

So here it is, a self portrait for Sunday. I don’t have a lot to say except this pregnancy has given me some serious body issues. I keep wishing I had lost more weight before getting pregnant. I keep wishing I had a bigger bump so it looks more like “Wide load: Pregnant lady” instead of just “Wide load.”

I actually hate this picture because I can see how fat my face is getting (and yes, I realize the wax lips are just plain silly). It just looks bleah. When I first told Damon I was pregnant he told me he wondered if I was pregnant because my face was looking fuller. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told myself he didn’t know what he was talking about. But now, I see what he saw, just a few months later.

Anyway, body issues are plaguing me this go around. I don’t feel cute and pregnant. I still don’t think I look pregnant at all- just a fat lady who says she is pregnant and wears maternity clothes because they are so much more comfortable.

So there is my self portrait in a picture and in words.

Want more pictures of people who are probably a bit more happy with themselves? Check out Cass’s comments.

[tags]self portrait sunday, self portrait, wax lips, pregnancy, body issues[/tags]

Getting our dog, Lively, to the groomer and back took up a lot of drive time, the grocery shopping was mentally exhausting, and to top it off, I’m a bit hormotional.

Courtney gets the credit for introducing me to this word. I think the word is pretty self explanatory, but for those of you who might be lost see it as two words: hormonal and emotional. Get it now? Hormotional. They both share the “mo.”

When I get hormotional, I have a difficult time trusting myself or my decisions. I cry at the drop of a hat and then I want to pick a fight with someone. I lose patience and I want to be all by myself.

So, today’s picture letter has been postponed by my lame hormotional outburst. Tomorrow, we are hoping for better things. Or a heating pad.

[tags]hormotional[/tags]

While we had our necks craned backwards I felt something creepy crawly slither down my back. I reached into my shirt, pulled something wiggly from my bra strap and threw it on the ground. We went inside to check out something on Sky an Telescope’s interactive sky map. As I stood there in the living room I realized what I threw onto the ground in disgust- my necklace.

I went back outside with some light and found the necklace (broken), but was distressed to not find the four leaf clover charm usually found on the gold chain. I looked again the next day with the sun to help and still no charm.

The gold chain was a gift from our friend Linda (aka Todd’s Mom) on the day of my college graduation (not one of those online universities). The four leaf clover was from Damon, given also on the day of my graduation. I wore them pretty much all the time. It was light and just the right adornment for my taste.

And now, my neck feels naked and I wonder what to get to replace it. The same thing? My vintage typewriter necklace? Or should I just drop heavy hints to someone special in hope that he know what to get me?

I just wish it hadn’t broken. Then I wouldn’t even have to think about it.

[tags]broken jewelry, necklace[/tags]

I found myself in a bit of a funk today. It started yesterday and seems to have continued on to today. I took a nap but still feel “off” and just wanting to hang out by myself. It isn’t really easy to do with a full house. My little sister, her husband, baby, and the inlaws (both of BIL’s parents and his grandparents) all arrive safe and sound, so the house is definitely full. And yet all I wanted to do was hang out by myself.

My cop out is hormones, since I can’t really find anything else to blame. I just hope they all even out before Christmas, so we don’t have any Grinch-like moments to ruin the fun.

[tags]December Photo Project 2007[/tags]

Monday morning I had an appointment at the OB/GYN office. Nothing alarming, no exciting announcements, just some run of the mill stuff. Anyway, while I was waiting a young woman came looking very pregnant and very uncomfortable. Another woman came in with her and went straight to the front desk where she loudly yelled “My daughter is in labor! I have been trying to call here about 100 times and you told us to come in. Her contractions are 3 minutes apart, so get her back there!”

The announcement made everyone in the waiting room sit up straight and wonder if we were going to see a birthing in the waiting room. Fortunately we didn’t.

But seeing this young woman (maybe unwed, but I couldn’t say for sure) laboring hit my heart in such a way that I had a flashback to 2003. Right after my miscarriage I was sitting in my doctor’s waiting area and there was a teen mom there with her newborn. I was in the midst of a terrible depression and started sobbing uncontrollably. When my doctor tried to talk me through it I just kept going on and on about how unfair it was for this kid to have a kid and me to have all the problems I was having. I was mad that I had to see it “thrown in my face.”

I promise you, I was perfectly fine on Monday. I was crocheting and waiting. But seeing this young woman in labor, sitting three chairs away from me was like a kick in the stomach I didn’t see coming. The tears just started flowing. I kept it quiet, but my mind was chanting “it’s not fair” very loudly.

When I got to the exam room I prayed God would take those thoughts away. I prayed for me to be happy with what I had waiting for me at home. And I prayed for me to rejoice in the new life the woman was carrying and to be forgiven for the sin of coveting.

I stopped crying and was able to move on.

Even now, two days later, I am still shocked at my reaction. I really thought I had moved on from those thoughts and reactions. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, I Sure I am frustrated that I haven’t been knocked up yet, and I have faith God will bless us in His own perfect timing, but… I guess laboring women are a trigger for me. I’ll remember that next time.

This is a very special trip for me because it is my first trip without my husband and son- ever. Also, on Friday I will turn 31. One of the purposes of going to Las Vegas is a blogging conference, but more importantly, I will be meeting up with some great friends I have made online. To me that reason is the best reason for me to go to Las Vegas.

I have a lot to do before I leave Wednesday morning, I just need to figure out exactly what it all is. And just like any other trip we take, I have already had my obligatory “forgot something important” nightmare. It isn’t like having a nightmare that I have Mesothelioma cancer, but I still woke up with my heart pounding and a little bit short of breath.

I dreamed I had to take a taxi to the airport. And somehow I made it all the way to the gate and it was then that I realize I left my purse in the hotel I slept in the night before. I know it isn’t possible to do that, since I would have needed identification to get past security, but still.

These types of dreams crop up before we go on any trip. I can usually calm myself down by telling myself “if we forget anything, we just pick it up at the store when we are there.” Except in this dream, I couldn’t do that because it was my purse, with my wallet, cell phone, and other important stuff that was missing.

I think I need to go make lists now. It will definitely calm me down.

[tags]travel nightmares, travel preparation[/tags