Best Shot Monday: Super I am not
Posted by Alli on May 12, 2008
On May day Fuller decided he was Batman, which for some reason translated to him wearing a red cape. We had to head out to take some pictures, so I let him wear the cape. He got a lot of comments, and the various bus drivers thought he was cute. And of course, I took a lot of pictures.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day and even though I have been blessed and thrilled to be a mom, I admit I haven’t been feeling as super as my kid looks. My monthly depression (the one that comes in the days following ovulation and usually lifts during my period, leaving me to believe it is a hormone induced depression) coincided with the day devoted to me. Unlike other excuses for self-centered celebration, I didn’t really communicate how I wanted to celebrate.
When Damon realized he forgot the holiday, he felt badly. He obviously doesn’t watch enough television.
Sarcasm aside, I’m not upset that he didn’t remember. I usually tell him exactly what I want and how to celebrate. I just wasn’t that into it this year, so he’s really off the hook. DO NOT GIVE DAMON GRIEF, got it?
He did make it up though: making lunch and sending me out for ice cream with Fuller (which I think should be our family Mother’s Day tradition). And this morning he renewed my Flickr Pro account. Except he won’t know about it until he reads this blog post or checks the bank account.
But non-super Mother’s Day celebrations aren’t all I’m talking about. This hormone-induced depression needs to be addressed. I spend about two weeks a month feeling disconnected, several days on and off crying, and just being generally pissy. And every month it seems to get a little bit worse.
Well over a year ago my counselor suggested I try some natural remedies and my response to that was to quit my job. Now that I’m happily ensconced in the stay-at-home role, I’m looking at the herbal remedies section of the pharmacy with more interest. I know it isn’t the complete answer, but it is a start. And, it looks like I am about to enter into a real-life relationship with someone who struggles in a similar manner (not just someone I met on the internet!), so know I am taking this seriously.
I’m not super (and sometimes I feel worthless) but I am thankful for my husband, son, parents, and the relationships God has put in my life. I might not wear a cape, but there are plenty of others out there who lift me up.
(Sidenote: I find writing a lot easier than talking, especially about the topics of depression, infertility, and weight loss. If you know me face to face, I have to admit, I don’t really want to talk to you about this. So please, don’t. If I want to talk about it, I will bring it up.)
[tags]depression, infertility, best shot Monday, Mother’s Day[/tags]
Sarah R. said,
Hang in there Ali.
Depression is a hard thing and I think many more people struggle with it than care to admit – especially in “christian circles” where we are sometimes told to put on a happy face because of our faith. Just know you are not alone, many of us struggle every day with many of the same things.
RT said,
Hey, Alli, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Personally, I have a therapist I know and love… She’s a wonder. I find it helpful to talk to someone with a blank slate. I wish you days of joy ahead. You are definitely not alone!
Alli said,
@RT thank for the wishes and comment. It does help knowing there are others… thanks.
Alli said,
@Sarah I agree. It is hard to admit and so much easier to just stay at home and be alone. But it does help knowing there are others as well. Writing about it helps too. Helps me form my thoughts and think about it throughly.
Loretta said,
Little boys in capes are the coolest
“I find writing a lot easier than talking, especially about the topics of depression, infertility, and weight loss.”
Me too, minus the infertility part, I think I had the opposite problem, perhaps I was over fertile! If only I could take my fertileness and give it to you now that I’m all done with it, I would put it in a box and ship it overnight.
“I spend about two weeks a month feeling disconnected, several days on and off crying, and just being generally pissy. And every month it seems to get a little bit worse.”
This is me too. For awhile my doctor had me taking Estroven, but that didn’t seem to be helping so after about two years of that I stopped taking it.
I hope you find the balance that you need (((Alli)))
tiffany said,
Not really sure if you not talking about it, for knowing you face to face means like if I see you actually face to face or can I comment here because I know you????? I would like to comment.
I have noticed just about every female I know or have talked to in the last 2 or 3 weeks has been having this same issue. Myself, my sister, the lady that does my hair, my friend……… Along with also the tired entry you wrote.
I wish I knew what to say.
Alli said,
Thanks for the kind words, Loretta. I hope some day to have as many boys as you.
Alli said,
All is good, Tiffany. I too wondering if there was something in the air last month. I believe I do have to work to move out of this funk, but I guess I get tired of working on it month after month.
Matt said,
Hello!
I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I’d like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at matt@wefeelfine.org, and I’d be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Matt
matt@wefeelfine.org
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